Good morning Thursday!

Im currently battling on with my depression & anxiety it’s very hard to cope with, at first I found different ways to help pull me out of those dark places but now I see no escape.

That’s why I’ve finally turned to professional help I have an appointment next week to see what my options are & go from there really. I find it very difficult having to call in sick to work but at the end of the day I have to put myself first.

Nobody likes you when you call in sick but I have to do what’s right after all I never have time off. It’s hard knowing what to do with the time off as well do you stay in or go for a walk? do you surround yourself with people or stay alone? I never really know what’s best for me.

It’s taken me a while to fully open up to people about this & I’ve always been honest with them & gave true answers to their questions even though sometimes it’s the same questions I’m always asked, just wish sometimes other people took you more seriously & actually showed they cared instead of thinking about themselves or the company they & you work for.

I just new with myself that something wasn’t right I just remember thinking “this isn’t me, this isn’t normal, I need help” but I’ve been told that feeling this way is normal but to get that into your own head is a battle within its self.

I will accept all help that comes my way I’m open to try anything new it’s hard not working because deep down I know I love my job it’s just the struggle & stress that comes with it is impossible to deal with.

Right now I need to work hard on getting the right help for me & fighting through this darkness that’s been clouded over me. I have a huge amount of support from my partner family & very close friends I couldn’t thank them enough I love them so so much 💖

If anyone has any helpful advice do let me know thanks so much for reading 💖

Good morning & happy Wednesday 😊

It’s hump day we’re half way there 🙃

Tuesday night was my first swim after not going for years! 😳I’ve always been a strong swimmer and I’ve always loved being in the water but that night I struggled I really felt my muscles working and it was painful but so worth it.

I did a couple of lengths before hitting the steam & sauna rooms I felt so fresh afterwards & I slept much better that night.

Last night I had a rest night by having a nice long hot shower & straight to bed after my slimming world meal 😋 & again I’ve slept so well I struggled to wake up as I’m sure everyone understands sleeping is life!

I’ve woke up feeling fresh this morning & looking forward to another relaxed evening with my partner after work we both have to work training to do so unfortunately the gym will have to wait till Friday night instead we are taking our time at the moment & being carful not to push ourselves too much as that’s how injuries are caused.

I’ve also been thinking about starting a gym journey on a new Instagram page and become an ambassador for a clothing gym brand if anyone has done something like this before let me know if it’s worth it 😊

Hope everyone has a great hump day thanks for reading 💖

Good morning & happy Sunday 😊

Yesterday was my first time in the gym properly since I was about 17/18 with my partner & it was quite a nerve wrecking thing for me as I’ve suffered with anxiety I always think someone is watching me & I suppose that’s common in the gym as we all watch each other right?👀

I felt comfortable in my gym leggings & T-shirt but uncomfortable within myself so I think it took a lot for me to walk in & start working out but as I started exercising with my headphones in I slowly stopped thinking of what others thought & started to think “I’m doing this for myself everyone has to start somewhere”.🏋🏼‍♀️

We started with a pretty straightforward work out & I think we were there roughly for an hour the time went so quick.😳 My legs were aching afterwards it was expected but I felt so much better on the way home I felt good about myself I felt really proud that I’d completed my first gym work out.🥇

I’ve woken up this morning feeling a little sore but very happy that I’ve done it & ready to go again later today once my partner has finished work I think it’s great that we’ve gone together as we’re there to give each other support & encouragement & who better to work out with other than your partner & best friend rolled into one.😊

Onwards & upwards from now on I will get rid of this weight & I will start to feel a lot more confident & healthier within myself😁

If anyone has any tips do let me know feel free to comment thanks so much for reading & enjoy the rest of your weekend 💖

How do you adapt yourself to change?

I have a lot of things going on at the moment & it’s hard to control your mind, body & feelings towards new things or places.

I can’t stop allowing the what ifs & buts in I know at the moment nothing’s decided but I guess the unknown effects me a lot I have to know what’s going to happen & when I hate not knowing anything I hate being kept in the dark.

I don’t know how to stop these thoughts all advice is welcome I’d love to hear how others control these emotions.

I’ve been told it can be down to anxiety or because I’m a worrying person I’m not sure but I guess it’s just the way I am & I should except that right?

Anyway, I guess I have to keep going & think everything happens for a reason & what will be will be I hope all the change what’s to come will be positive & will be a good change for the future 🤞🏼

Thanks for reading & sorry for not blogging for a while 😊💖

Happy Father’s Day to all dads, step dads, grandads out there hope your all having a lovely day 😊

I’ve wished my own dad a happy Father’s Day this morning I sent him a lovely paragraph & photo by text message🥰 he really appreciated it I didn’t post on Facebook or Instagram as he doesn’t use it anymore so I thought what’s wrong with sending a text message instead😂

This time of year can bring sad memories I lost both of my grandads almost 9 years ago this December & Father’s Day is for them too so I’d like to wish them a happy Father’s Day too😇🌹

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lie a single rose down to my grandad with my mum it’s so peaceful and calm that I can’t help but feel relaxed around there🤗

Happy Sunday to everyone as well it’s nice to finally see some sunshine after all this rain ☀️ hopefully it will continue I’ve had a lovely week off work back tomorrow for 4 days then off again for my birthday 🎂🥂🎂🎊🎁🎈

I’ve had a lovely few days catching up with my mum & Nan whilst my partners been working hard I’ve also enjoyed a gel polish nail course & eyelash extensions so hopefully I can practice more & show my new skills 💅🏼

Hope everybody’s had a lovely weekend 😊 & thanks for reading 💖

Good morning & happy Wednesday we’re half way through the week! 😁

Been a few days since I’ve blogged but on my first train to work this morning the ticket man asked for tickets so I shown him mine first & the smile on his face was huge!

He called me an angel & wished me a good day & all I could do was smile & say thankyou in response. Once he moved on the smile remained for some time before I became distracted by my stop I remember sitting thinking “wow how nice is that from a complete stranger”.

It’s so nice & refreshing to see strangers so bubbly & full of life so early in the morning and it made me wonder why others can’t do the same there’s so much negativity right now & selfishness & you never know what people are going threw.

Just a small smile instead of a horrible look can really make someone’s day like it has mine this morning. Be kind always 👏🏼

Thanks for reading 💖

On the train ride home I get to reflect on how my day has gone and I feel calm & a sense of relief.

Even though it’s been really busy & I’ve had 14 children to look after it’s been a good day! I’m left with the feeling like I’ve accomplished something but what? It’s just been a normal day at work.

Just having a couple of minutes out of my day to reflect on everything really makes me feel much calmer & much more relaxed this only helps when I’m on my own, when I can truly take in the world around me & focus on my day.

It’s been a long day working 8-6 but watching little children running around without a care in the world really makes it worth it. Watching their little faces light up when I enter the room makes it really rewarding.

I often become stressed when I’m under pressure or rushing about I guess that comes with the job but just lately I don’t really feel stressed at all I just keep going as the little ones depend on me & I guess that’s down to routine too I keep their routine going as it’s so important for them but also for me too as then I massively lose my way & can become stressed or depressed.

So just having a little time looking out of the window at the world going by on the train can really help control my emotions & put my mind back on track.

I’ve had some positive feedback today about my observations I write up about the children & that gave me a massive boost & such a relief that I’m clearly doing a good job no matter how much pressure I put on myself to do better & to do more but I don’t need to because I’m already good enough at what I do! 😊

Positivity goes a long way & so does hard work it’s all worth it in the end when you feel the relief after a hard day.

Thanks for reading💖

Over time I’ve read a good few books because I love to read and have become a quick reader without realising it until people have said.

I love to read because it’s an escape from reality and from my mind often with depression I look for ways I can escape it and books have helped massively! If the blurb grips me I will pick up the book and buy it weather it’s a familiar author or not.

I’ve just finished a book by Jojo Moyes called “the last letter from your lover” set in the 1960 then 2003. I don’t know really anything about the 60s so this book helped me imagine what life was like for men and women in that time & I loved it I just couldn’t put it down.

I look a good book that grips me from start to finish it did get confusing but I still didn’t put it down. As I finished it, it felt like an achievement and a release of a fresh mindset I could look at everything/everyone around me with a clear mind & I could accept what was happening right in front of me.

Instead of thinking about my mind racing & wondering of things that aren’t important there’s nothing worse than being trapped in your own head it feels like there’s no way out but I find reading is a massive way out!

I use my imagination and picture what I’m reading in my head books use that much detail that my mind goes crazy! The possibilities are endless!

There’s so many books out there waiting to be read and I’m so glad more & more books are being published. I used to read books on my kindle but it wasn’t the same there’s no better feeling than holding an actual book and being able to turn the pages and fully close it after it’s finished.

I will be buying & reading much more often & hope to continue writing about them here on my blog if anyone had any recommendation of what I can read next feel free to comment thanks for reading happy Sunday 💖

Spring is upon us 😊

But to me hasn’t felt like it until now it’s a lovely day a clear sky & lots of blossom on the trees weather like this makes me want to go to the nearest pub garden with close friends & family.

When it’s hot it seems to put everyone in a good mood, everyone seems to be grateful for something weather it’s personal or not & it’s lovely to see.🌞

In my opinion I feel so relaxed & like nothing else in the world matters. My head feels clear my body’s relaxed and I go into everything with an open mind usually I’m scared of new situations and environments but when I feel that relaxed & happy I won’t care I’ll go with it & see that really there’s nothing to be scared about & I wish i was like it all the time 😊

I love this time of year because summer is also fast approaching & that means family time, bbqs and drink! That’s pretty much all I do during the summer when I’m not at work I always like to visit new or old places if possible to create new summer memories or re live the old ones.

We visit the sea for the day or weekend & just relax by the pubs or walk around the shops or along the sea front, the sea air does me a world of good of there’s nothing better than blowing the old cobwebs away. We’ve also enjoyed the fair with donuts, candy floss & chippy chips.

I will be planning on visiting the sea at some point this year.

What’s everyone’s summer plans this year? I’d like to hear from you 😘

Have a lovely bank holiday weekend thanks for reading 💖

Ever feel like you don’t belong?

No matter how much you try or how much you change you still feel the same way?

Being able to fit in with my own family has always been a struggle for me & it shouldn’t be a struggle for anyone. I always felt left out no matter how hard I tried I still failed, I only wanted to make them proud of everything I’d achieved.

Slowly I’ve started to pick myself back up after having a tough few days and I thought I don’t need to change for anyone I am me & they need to accept it. I’ve been at my lowest & still got up every day for work etc. It’s been really hard & without my closest friends & other family members I wouldn’t of got where I am today.

I will be forever grateful for all the help & support I’ve been given I couldn’t thank people enough for listening & understanding. They’ve all been amazing.

Anyone out there that’s struggling talk about it & never change!

Stay true to who you are 💖